Sometimes, in a relationship, everything becomes routine and boring. And while we may choose to keep going with the tide, a time will come when the dissatisfaction begins to tell. One such dissatisfaction in many relationships is sex. Although sex is still one subject we’re yet to have healthy conversations about as a society, that doesn’t make it less important. Truthfully, getting kinky under the sheets is needed for a blissful relationship. Thus, knowing how to tell your partner what you want in bed is crucial to both your well-being and that of your relationship.
Do you keep waxing your private areas hoping that your partner would instinctively get the hint that you’re dying for a head and then become disappointed when he fails your mind-reading test? Sustaining intimacy in a relationship is a deliberate effort and you have to be bold and specific about what you want if you’re going to enjoy it for long. It’s like ordering shoes online and getting a dress instead — no matter how great that dress is, it still isn’t what YOU want.
Some of us just flow with the tide and are happy, but many are not. Whatever the case may be, we all know that telling your partner what you want in bed can be an awkward conversation; one that might go right or wrong depending on their mood, your tone, or the overall state of your relationship at the time. If done wrong, you might end up hurting your partner’s feelings and creating a tense time in the bedroom.
Wondering how to tell your partner what you want in bed? Try out these effective tips…
#1. Send a racy message
A racy message is a good way to let your partner know what you’d like in bed. Sometimes, saying it plainly may make you feel shy (not judging), so send a message to get it off your chest. If you don’t know where to begin, we curated a list of 25 messages to get you up and running. This way you tell him what you want while setting his nether regions on fire all day long. The only thought on his mind will be to get home to make your wish come true. Be ready to play though, you’ve got yourself a personal genie!
#2. Play a sexy game
If a text may not cut it for you, why not play a game where the challenge is to have him do what you really want in bed, and then he gets a reward for a job well done? For instance, if you’re craving a head, then that should be the challenge. We see that wide smile sister. You can also see this article for more game ideas.
#3. Say it straight
Okay, rather than run around in circles, why not bite the bullet and say it straight? Sit with your partner and tell your man in a soft voice the things you’re dreaming he’d do to your body. Who knows, he may have just been waiting for you to say it.
#4. Make sure you connect outside the bedroom
It’s not rocket science to notice a decline in your sex life when you and your partner are not getting along. It could be that you’re fighting too much lately or you’ve been too busy which resulted in neglecting your partner intentionally or otherwise. On the other hand, it could also be that you’ve gotten bored with your sex life so the desire has totally plateaued. This is not the best time to make sexual demands or directly state what is missing romantically because it would most likely be misunderstood.
Try being more intentional about fixing your relationship flow outside the sheets. Do things like going out for an intimate dinner or fixing his favorite meal, or watching a new series. Better yet, do something totally new — like a trip to a museum you’ve never visited or schedule a luxury spa session. This emotional bonding would naturally lead to a new spark and help the sex talk play out smoothly — if you still need to have one.
#5. Write a note, it’ll be fun
If texts don’t do it for you, perhaps, the old-fashioned note is something you’ll favor. Some individuals are better at written words and this could even spice things up. Drop notes at different places in the house for him to pick up or suggest a game where you both write down what you want in bed and then exchange it for the other to read.
#6. Watch a romantic movie
Sometimes our egos get in the way and the sex talk becomes pretty awkward so talking about it is like walking on eggshells. In as much as it’s a dicey situation to be in (because you don’t want to be misunderstood or hurt your partner by giving them the wrong impression), would you rather not talk about it? That’s costly. This is where you get creative.
Plan a movie date and go see a romantic movie. As the characters in the movie do things you like, blush, and make sure your partner notices you doing it. He’ll get the point. You can also watch a romantic series at home and make sure the atmosphere is perfect enough in case you two need to make your own movie. No cameras are allowed though.
#7. Show your partner what you want in bed instead of saying it
Where words fail, actions speak volumes. Your partner would be more comfortable if you show him what you want in a sexy manner and maybe have him do to you what he wants as well. This would totally make sex time a very enjoyable moment for both of you. It might also help you avoid the awkward conversation and go straight to business and your partner would easily understand what to do with you guiding him. This gesture can almost never go wrong. Your partner would be thrilled and your sex life is sure to be set ablaze for good.
#8. Turn complaints into compliments
Instead of saying “I don’t like when you do…” why not say “I’d love it if you do…” this could make a huge difference. It would surprise you how motivating compliments can be. Partners respond better when your approach is kind. However, complaints make your partner feel pressured and inadequate.
When he tries it out correctly, moan in response as this inspires him to do even more and that’s a win-win situation. Be kind enough to return the favor by asking him to show you what he wants as well. This reciprocatory bonding would definitely continue even after bedtime leading to a stronger relationship, overall.
#9. Ask him what he wants too
With this approach, try not to make it look like you’re dissatisfied with your sex life but be open for more adventure. Whatever you do, don’t bring this up immediately after sex. At the right time, ask how you can please him better in bed and if there’s something he’s really not getting. If your partner successfully tells you what he wants, this would have you two looking forward to the next sheet session or it just might get started right away. Wink! He naturally would ask you what you want as well — another win-win situation. How pleasant!
No matter what approach you try out, remember not to relegate your feelings and wants to the background. You should be comfortable enough to talk about sex with your partner as long as you’re kind and not sounding critical. Be rest assured, if done right, this could lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship.
Featured image: LightFieldStudios/iStock
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