Acrack in the heavens, the resilient clouds can no longer hold back their tears. The lightning shrieks as in labor, and the raindrops pelt down, hitting desperately on the windscreen with increasing velocity. As though it desperately sought to unify with the liquid sliding down your cheeks. All you could hear aside the growl of the heavy downpour were the voices of all the people who have highlighted your weaknesses and written you off as incompetent. Who has repeatedly emphasized that you are not good enough?
At the bottom of most emotional, relational, and mental issues is seated gallantly unhealthy self-esteem that might have been hurt by circumstances and/or the words of others. The dangerous effects of believing this fallacy lie in the way the mental gatekeeper fights the real truth: You are enough. Not perfect, but enough. Of course, they’re things that would always need improvement, but you as an individual (like everyone else) are more than enough. It’s time to do away with these misconceptions that tug at your self-esteem. These unrealistic landmarks drive us to become harder on ourselves.
Am I really enough?
Some individuals doubt this truth, they argue: “If I’m truly enough, then why does everything around me demand more? Does that not make me lazy and unmotivated? If I’m enough, then do I have to be better?” While these may sound intelligent, it’s far from the point.
Remember when you were enough as a child? Before life started to happen. Before you became valued based on your educational success, financial status, physical appearance, among other trivial things. As we grow, humans begin to project their expectations and negativity on us, and we like a ready sponge, soak it all in.
For a long time, I abhorred the shape of my face because my classmate once told me I had a bucket-shaped face. During my time at University, I would make long and bouncy curls to hide most of my face. Of course, it looked trendy and chic, and compliments kept piling up. I would always wonder: “If these people truly saw my face, would they still admire me?” I nursed this insecurity until it became a full-blown adult, making decisions for my self-esteem.
Simply put, there are so many insecurities that would nudge our self-esteem. If we heard someone tell us: “You are enough,” it would seem like flattery or worse, mockery.
Here are 5 famous misconceptions holding you from believing You’re Enough…
#1. The facade of perfection
This, right here, is the number one reason we doubt ourselves. Rebecca had her whole life planned out. She would be a medical doctor at 21, get married by 25, and should be done bearing children by 30. Life happened, and she couldn’t get into med school. She settled for a Science course, and because she hated it so much, she graduated poorly. The love of her life ghosted her, and he never looked back. She struggled to get a job for years. How do you explain to a person like Rebecca that she is enough without risking a blow on your left eye?
When the GPS of life takes you to a supposed dead end, it never leaves you hanging. There’s always a way to reroute and still end up at your destination. We as humans would rather give up at the crossroad and lick our wounds, or aimlessly waste time searching for a way back to where it all started, in a bid to right the wrongs. Sadly, life dances to the rhythm of the tough and bends to the strong-willed who constantly make lemonade out of lemons. That person understands that the perfect life is indeed the one you create for yourself against all odds. “Failures” test your strength and help you lift up your head, but never define you or create a flawed perception of life. The main remedy is to understand that you are flawed just like everyone else, and asking for help when you need it becomes easier.
#2. Living a purpose-less life
When all we do is wake up, dress up, eat, work robotically, and repeat, then we’re bound to feel uneasy and perhaps, empty. Knowing that you are alive for a reason and seeking out a purpose-driven life gives you an influx of life again. The feeling of living beyond yourself, helping others, and offering solutions to one of life’s numerous problems — whether on a small or large scale — makes you believe: “yes, you are enough.”
Another misconception is to tie our purpose to a divine experience. Maybe we expect a visitation from an angelic being to read the scroll of our purpose to us. While some individuals swear by this experience, you don’t need to lie around waiting for an encounter. Think about things you are passionate about, problems you are equipped to solve, and/or pain points (what problem in society bothers you so much that it compels you to action?). Then after you recognize it, seek out relevant collaborations and get moving. A self-centered life is a less fulfilling one.
#3. You need to do more to be accepted
The first and foundational level of self-worth is self-acceptance. Rihanna sang: “Never have I ever been a size 10 in my whole life, I left the engine running…”. That was Collete’s story until she surprised everyone with her postpartum size 12 weight. From literal zero to 100 and of course, as her weight increased, her self-confidence hit the rocks. Maya lost her job (the only thing that seemed to be working in her life) and as expected, she instantly felt worthless. This is a reminder that you are not your weight, skin, job or any other thing that seems to define your self-worth. There will be trying seasons in life and we might feel bad and unmotivated but it’s in our best interest to barricade our self-esteem and to remind ourselves: “It’s only a passing phase, I will bounce back and reemerge as a finer and better version of me”.
#4. There’s nothing that would suffice
Setting goals help us stay focused and motivated, but if we believe we would be enough after striking things off our To-Do list, we’re often met with a surprise. If you lose that weight or get the dream job without believing you are enough, there would be yet another void. After the euphoria of the moment wears off, you would say to yourself: “If I get a promotion, maybe I can finally be enough“. News flash—it won’t suffice. You need to find out that thing inside you that sets you apart from everyone else and embrace it. That’s where it all begins.
#5. Your worth is dependant on your day
On bad days, remember that it doesn’t reduce your self-worth. My favorite analogy for this is: “Bring out a $5 bill, crumple it, step on it. It might be bruised, battered, and stained, but it is still a $5 bill worthy of use without a decline.” Sit still, affirm yourself, recuperate and try again. Sometimes life wants you to hit it by the balls before it sits down and lets you shine.
Every morning, repeat these affirmations to yourself until you start believing them too.
Don’t just say it, sit there and internalize this truth till you become one with it.
• I love who I am.
• I’m awesome.
• I am not my job, my finances, my physical appearance.
• I love myself and want to be in a healthy relationship with Me.
• I am enough.
• I am unapologetically Me and anyone who left was not meant for me.
• I want everyone to step into knowing that they are a unique expression of life, a one-of-a-kind precious gem of the universe.
Featured image: Liza Summer | Pexels
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A creative writer with a voracious appetite for fashion, beauty, lifestyle and culture. As one who's passionate about the advancement of the woman, creating content that inspire smart style and living, and positive lifestyle changes is a calling I take seriously. At Style Rave, we aim to inspire our readers by providing engaging content to not just entertain but to inform and empower you as you ASPIRE to become more stylish, live smarter and be healthier. Follow us on Instagram @StyleRave_ ♥