Mental Mondays: How Parents Create Narcissistic Children

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e come across people who put themselves on a pedestal, who are always looking for compliments, and who use their entitlement as a weapon. The narcissistic personality trait, defined by an exaggerated feeling of self-importance and a persistent desire for approval, exists in an environment like this. But how does narcissism develop? How does it bloom in the young minds of those born with an unbounded capacity for empathy and compassion? The answer lies in the very people who are tasked with nurturing and guiding them—their parents.

Within the realm of parenting, certain behaviors and practices lay the foundation for narcissistic tendencies to take hold. Note that it’s not just these specific behaviors that contribute to the creation of narcissistic children. The emotional dynamics within the parent-child relationship also play a crucial role.

Below are obvious ways parents create narcissistic children…

• Overindulgence and excessive praise: When parents go overboard with praise and constantly spoil their children with material things, it can unintentionally create a sense of entitlement. The kids may start believing they are always exceptional and deserve special treatment at all times, which can fuel their narcissistic tendencies.
• Lack of boundaries and discipline: When parents don’t establish clear boundaries or enforce consistent discipline, it can contribute to the development of narcissistic traits. Without clear guidelines, children may struggle to understand limits and may end up lacking empathy for others’ needs and perspectives.
• Narcissistic parenting styles: Sometimes parents create narcissistic children by adopting authoritarian or neglectful parenting styles, which can have a hand in nurturing narcissism in their children. Authoritarian parents are overly strict and focus more on obedience than empathy. Neglectful parents, on the other hand, fail to provide emotional support and guidance, leaving children seeking validation elsewhere and prioritizing their own needs above others.
• Modeling narcissistic behavior: This is an obvious cause of the narcissistic cycle. Naturally, lions beget lions unless the cycle is intentionally broken. This isn’t about genetics alone, but constant exposure to toxic environments and behaviors. Kids learn by observing their parents, and if they consistently witness narcissistic behavior, such as self-centeredness and a lack of empathy, they are likely to mimic those traits in their own lives.
• Emotional invalidation and enmeshed parenting: When parents dismiss or downplay their children’s feelings, it can make the kids believe that their emotions don’t matter. Entangled parenting blurs boundaries, making it hard for children to develop their own identity and independence. Both of these behaviors can contribute to self-centeredness and a lack of empathy.
• Unhealthy parental expectations: Parents who have unrealistic expectations for their children, such as constantly demanding achievements and success, can unknowingly encourage narcissistic tendencies. When kids feel they have to meet impossibly high standards to earn their parents’ love and approval, they may become obsessed with seeking validation and lose touch with their true selves.

• Emotional manipulation and conditional love: As parents, we often want our kids to live out the parts of life we never got to live. While this sounds harmless, tread with caution. It’s easy for parents to create narcissistic children when they do whatever it takes to always have their way. Parents who emotionally manipulate their children or show love only when certain conditions are met can create an environment that nurtures narcissistic traits. When kids feel that their worth is tied to meeting specific criteria or fulfilling their parents’ expectations, they may prioritize their own needs and validation above all else.

Consequences of these parental behaviors on the children

• Relationship difficulties and lack of empathy: Narcissistic children often struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Their self-centeredness and lack of empathy can make it challenging for them to connect with others on a genuine and meaningful level. This can lead to strained friendships and romantic relationships, and difficulty in collaborating within professional settings.
• Problems with self-esteem and self-worth: Paradoxically, narcissistic children may suffer from low self-esteem beneath their grandiose exterior. They may rely heavily on external validation and struggle with a fragile sense of self-worth. This can lead to a constant need for attention, praise, and admiration, as well as a fear of criticism or rejection.
• Challenges in forming healthy connections: When parents create narcissistic children, it has a life-long effect that doesn’t end with the child but affects almost anyone they cross life paths with. These individuals often struggle with developing and maintaining healthy emotional bonds. Their focus on their own needs and desires can make it difficult for them to genuinely connect with and support others. This can result in shallow relationships, a lack of intimacy, and an inability to empathize with others’ experiences.

How do we break this cycle?

• Recognizing and acknowledging the patterns: The first step is to acknowledge and become aware of the patterns and behaviors that contribute to the development of narcissism. As parents, we need to reflect on our own actions and honestly assess whether we exhibit any of these behaviors.
• Seeking professional help and therapy: There is great strength in knowing when you can’t help yourself, and then seeking help. Engaging in therapy or getting professional guidance can be immensely beneficial. A qualified therapist can help you understand the underlying factors that contribute to these behaviors and provide strategies to promote healthier parenting practices.
• Promoting empathy and emotional intelligence: If you notice you’re one of those parents who create narcissistic children and want to break the pattern, it’s still possible. Parents can foster empathy and emotional intelligence in their children by modeling these traits themselves. Encouraging open and honest communication, actively listening to your children’s emotions, and teaching them to consider the perspectives and feelings of others can help develop empathy and emotional intelligence.
• Education and resources: Teach yourself about healthy parenting techniques and strategies that promote empathy, emotional intelligence, and balanced self-esteem in children. There are numerous books, online resources, and parenting communities available that provide guidance on fostering positive parent-child relationships.
• Build a supportive network: Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who prioritize healthy parenting and emotional well-being. Join parenting groups, attend community events, or connect with other parents who are committed to breaking the cycle of creating narcissistic children. Sharing experiences and insights can provide valuable support and encouragement.
• Model healthy behavior: Be a positive role model for your children by demonstrating empathy, compassion, and respectful behavior in your interactions with others. Show them how to listen, understand, and validate different perspectives. Teach them the value of kindness, cooperation, and authentic connections.
• Establish clear boundaries and expectations: Set clear boundaries and reasonable expectations for your children’s behavior, responsibilities, and achievements. Encourage independence and autonomy while instilling values of empathy, respect, and consideration for others. Consistently enforce these boundaries to provide a stable and secure environment for your children.

Featured image: Prostock-Studio/iStock

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