Abstinence builds discipline, strength, and clarity of vision. At least, that’s what our parents said. But with wokeness came the freedom to believe whatever and do however we please. Fast forward to today, and the younger generation has become weary of dating recklessly and without purpose, resulting in a new trend called “Boysober.” The “Boysober” dating trend is gaining traction in 2024, primarily among Gen Z ladies, who are choosing to abstain from romantic relationships to focus on personal growth and flourishing mental health. But there’s a slight difference between being “Boysober” and traditional celibacy.
The term “Boysober,” popularized by Brooklyn-based comedian Hope Woodard, represents a modern take on celibacy, aiming to detach from male validation and romantic distractions rather than adhering to traditional notions of purity. Many women have realized that being too enamored with dating apps and hopping on serial romantic exploits contributes to emotional burnout. By deciding on a “Boysober” time-out, individuals focus more on meaningful friendships and interests and discover new things about themselves. They also notice considerable mental lucidity and rest from the exasperating hustle culture.
Difference between the “Boysober” dating trend and traditional celibacy…
The dating streets are cold, and individuals are weary of talking stage after talking stage (IYKYK). Right now, folks want to zip up and discover other aspects of life. While traditional celibacy focuses on “keeping yourself” for the right man, being “Boysober” is solely for self-satisfaction and betterment. This trend also reflects broader societal shifts, with increasing numbers of young women prioritizing their mental health and personal development over the pressures of modern dating.
The “Boysober” approach does not imply giving up on love entirely, it emphasizes breaking old patterns and preparing oneself for healthier, more intentional romantic relationships in the future. This trend removes male validation and unnecessary entanglements from the picture. It brings back control over one’s life–one that isn’t clouded by romantic perceptions. It goes beyond abstinence from sex and preaches total devotion to one’s goals. Traditionally, celibacy is the deliberate choice to abstain from sexual activity, often for religious or spiritual reasons. It typically focuses on sexual abstinence, rather than broader personal development.
The “Boysober” dating trend is modern and specifically designed to resonate with contemporary issues in dating culture. Times have changed–and so has dating, which has adapted to our daily lives. Abstaining from sex alone without other mindful lifestyle changes might not be the solution to modern mental issues. There are many dating challenges like ghosting and abandonment, so merely holding off on sex without understanding the psychological effects of today’s dating space might prove abortive. Celibacy carries more historical and religious connotations, often associated with purity and waiting for a committed relationship or marriage.
Exploring the scope of abstinence and being “Boysober”
“Boysober” stresses a comprehensive separation from the dating scene, including avoiding the mental and emotional exertion associated with romantic ordeals. It pushes us toward platonic relationships and personal hobbies, rather than meaningless sexual engagements. The “Boysober” dating trend emerged in response to the demands of contemporary dating, particularly the emotional toll of dating apps and casual associations. It’s seen as a form of self-care and protection against the noxious dating culture.
Whereas, traditional abstinence is typically not a reaction to current dating adversities, but a long-standing personal or spiritual choice. To link it up, while both “Boysober” and celibacy involve abstaining from romantic and sexual relationships, the aforementioned is a modern, culturally specific response to the intricacies of present dating landscapes, focusing personal growth and mental health over traditional views of sexual abstinence.
Benefits of this modern dating trend
Being “Boysober” comes with a ton of benefits, including:
- It saves you from burnout: We often feel overwhelmed, emotionally spent, or suffer burnout from incessant dating, swiping on apps, or staying in unfulfilling romantic encounters. The “Boysober” era can offer much-needed relief and mental clarity.
- A growth phase: Being in the wrong relationships can be time-wasting and keep us in one spot for too long. The same goes for continuous distractions. Instead, use this period to embark on a new career path and revisit your life’s goals. This could also mean solo traveling and exploring the world or taking fresh courses.
- Healing journey: After being battered in a crazy relationship, healing is paramount. I know we’ve heard that how to get over an ex is to get a new man, but if you wish to heal and return to being whole, being “Boysober” is worth adopting. It helps you regain control over your emotions and establish healthier boundaries.
- Self-knowledge: This season of life can be used to explore hobbies, strengthen platonic friendships, and enhance your self-awareness and self-esteem. Head out. Revamp your look. Read new books. Try new interests. Exercise. Eat healthy. Meditate. Take breaks. Get acquainted with yourself. These are all worthy investments.
- Freedom: Being “Boysober” frees you from the pressure of active dating and can help you reevaluate your dating requirements. Use this time to put all your experiences on the table and strike out your deal breakers. Reflect on your non-negotiable. Tighten every knot and fix a new standard according to your current analysis and belief. This can lead to more intentional linkups in the future.
By stepping back from dating and focusing on your overall well-being, the “Boysober” dating trend can provide a structured approach to achieving inner peace and preparing for healthier future relationships.
Featured image: jacoblund/iStock
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