T
he rate at which words like “I’ve got eyes for only you,” can be replaced with “it was a mistake,” or “the person didn’t matter,” is heart-wrenching, to say the least, and we can’t begin to explain the level of hurt that stems out of this form of betrayal. It takes a high level of strength to seek out ways to heal a relationship after your partner cheated and the fact that you’re taking this step even when you can choose to walk away is admirable. Hopefully, this decision is born out of a genuine desire to forgive your partner and let go and not societal, family, or religious pressure. Heal your relationship after your partner cheated.
It’s been said that it takes an average of eighteen months to two years to heal from the pain of your partner’s infidelity. Coming to terms with the fact that the pain isn’t going away overnight can be helpful with the healing process and knowing that it will eventually end if done right is also valuable to help heal your relationship.
These are 7 helpful ways to heal your relationship after your partner cheated…
#1. Make sure there’s remorse
It makes no sense to try to fix something with someone who doesn’t even feel bad about what happened. The first step to healing your relationship is to be certain that your partner is indeed sorry. It’s not a matter of throwing empty words around but the actions must line up with the words. Once there is complete remorse you can begin to build from there.
#2. Determine why you want to stay
Next, determine why you want to heal your relationship. As stated earlier, pressure from third parties wouldn’t serve either of you well in the long run, therefore, be truthful to yourself. Of course, this is a very emotional moment and it’s not expected that you arrive at your answer on a whim so take your time and let go of the pressure. At the end of the day, if you’re satisfied with your answer, then stay the course and stick to your decision.
#3. Ascertain the root cause
Sometimes, cheating could occur as a result of disconnection within the relationship, so it’s best to acknowledge what caused the strain. For example, emotional disconnection is a culprit as not feeling emotionally validated may result in cheating or when you feel like your emotional needs are not being met. This entails feeling valued, worthy, and loved by your partner. If those needs are not being met, it can be easy to pursue someone outside of your relationship that is feeding you with those emotional needs.
#4. Don’t sweep what you’re feeling under the rug
Allow yourself to feel every single emotion in all its depth. If you’re hurt and would like to take some time out to process what you feel, do so by all means. It would be rather selfish for your partner to expect instant forgiveness because they’ve apologized or for you to put on the façade of being easygoing and forgiving. Allow yourself to feel because that’s the only way you can start to truly let go.
#5. Communicate truthfully and completely
It is a form of communication where one partner listens, then considers what was said before finally responding to what the other actually says, rather than coming in with responses at the ready. It’s up to one partner to express while the other partner’s job is to listen and not jump to a conclusion or into a defensive mood. As the person who was cheated on, you might have questions about the incident, the person who cheated should be willing to give honest answers as well. But be mindful of the pain and trauma you could experience from internalizing these harsh details. Heal your relationship after your partner cheated.
#6. Get the help of a licensed therapist
After an affair, it can be difficult to know what the next move will be, especially if the conversations you are having with your partner feel like things are not adding up and you are not getting anywhere. At this point, it’s advisable to consider working with a licensed therapist who can aid the healing process. The therapist’s ability to be neutral in the conversation helps identify underlying problems and unmet needs that can be recognized and processed within the couple’s relationship.
#7. Assess the relationship
Honestly doing this appraisal help couples see if something wasn’t working. You are not at fault if someone cheated on you and if your partner tries to blame you by saying things like you “made” them seek attention or love outside, that’s definitely an unfair deflection. Nonetheless, objectively examining your own role in the relationship can help you heal after being cheated on. Heal your relationship after your partner cheated.
While this list can’t be exhausted, it can act as a step in the right direction which is to help couples who have been cheated on find a route to a happy, healthy, and prosperous relationship again. Heal your relationship after your partner cheated.
Featured image: fizkes/iStock
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